Everyone always talks about how we need to improve our sleep hygiene and develop disciplined nighttime routines. But I think there’s a big problem with this approach.

For many people who struggle with bad sleep, bedtime can feel daunting and difficult. A moment that they dread and devise very little joy from. But things probably weren’t always this way. When they were kids, they drifted off peacefully in their parent’s arms, they looked forward to diving into their cosy beds at night, and they woke up feeling fresh the next day.

There was a sense of pleasure inherent in the ritual of going to bed, and as a result, a deeper sense of relaxation and recovery that stemmed from it.

But as the stresses, strains, hormones, and competing priorities of adult life impacted their relationship with the night, their sleep began to suffer. They no longer looked forward to bedtime, they put it off, and they no longer woke up feeling fresh the next day, they greeted it feeling tired and unmotivated.

Perhaps this is you?

Enter sleep hygiene and nighttime routines: a way of improving the quality of our sleep through discipline and deduction. Cut out the bad habits, stick to a routine, and take a clinical methodology to your nightly slumber. Measure this, track that. Don’t do this, stick to that. It’s an approach that, quite frankly, works. But at what cost?

Whilst it may have improved of our sleep and wellbeing, it hasn’t fixed our relationship with the night. It isn’t helping us reclaim that feeling of pleasure we had when were ‘all tucked up’ as kids. Fundamentally, it isn’t helping us take full advantage of the daily gift that night brings.

Bedtime needn’t be a clinical process. It can be a time of luxury, pleasure and enjoyment. A moment of peace, tranquillity and calm. An opportunity for reflection, introspection and gratitude.

If we can build these things into our ‘bedtime routine’, life would be very different. We would find the end of the day deeply satisfying, not something we want to put off. We would feel a deeper sense of relaxation. We would sleep more peacefully, and we would wake up with more energy, ready to seize the day ahead. Fundamentally, we would live more fulfilling lives.

So how do we take what we can from the concept of sleep hygiene and inject it with the magic I described? The approach of doing so is something we call Nightcare. There are numerous articles on this website that go into different elements of Nightcare, but essentially it is first and foremost about changing our relationship with sleep. It’s about learning to love bedtime by introducing nightly rituals that helps us make many of the decisions that sleep hygiene recommends - but with pleasure and presence at its core.

So sleep hygiene may improve your sleep score, but it’s not going to help you reclaim that feeling of diving into your bed as a kid, of being carried upstairs by your parents, of being snuggled up in your cozy duvet, of waking up feeling fresh and excited – and I think that is a shame worth doing something about.